Sunday, December 16, 2007
I was reading Bryan Wong's latest entry which was put up during the wee hours of dawn today and he admitted being anxious about the night of Star Awards. To him, Star Awards is a form of an examination. It was ironic to him because he revealed that he disliked exams during school days and yet he ended up with an occupation whereby the artistes are being judged by the public. Yet, all jobs are like this too...
How many of us have also harboured thoughts of escaping from exams once we've graduated and yet when we end up in the working world, there are other forms of "exams"? There are appraisals... comparisons... and even students' results are our results (this applies to teachers). This involves the security of your ricebowl. What someone senior told me was correct. There's no such thing as an iron ricebowl now regardless of where you are at or what you're doing. It's just that on the surface, some jobs appear "more stable".
Moving on, I would like to say that humans are strange creatures. Procrastination is a characteristic of many. Just a matter of how evident it is. At times, it's unintentional. Other times, it's meant as a form of escapism or a form of a lie to oneself. To me, procrastination doesn't have to involve undesirable matters. It could be the positive ones too.
Allow me to take myself as an example. When in school, I would tell myself that if I were to be earning money, I would take up this course or that. I yearned to be a free person when doing my undergraduate course because lessons would spread from day to night. Upon graduation, while doing temp. jobs, I would tell myself, if I weren't earning peanut (shells...) from temp. jobs, I would have the money to pick up something new.
But by the time I finally have a perm job drawing in reasonable income, I would tell myself, I would learn it when I have more time or when my job has stabilized. Time and money, somehow do not coincide the way I want. It's either the wrong timing... or insufficient funds... or having to save money for something that's supposedly more important and realistic.
Perhaps it's the way I've been brought up. Not being able to allow myself to take risk, calculating my every move and to make sure that there's always a good amount of money in the bank for rainy days, etc.. But inside of me, at the deepest core of my heart, I know I'm not such a person. It's just that I feel I owe what I have today to certain people and so, their approval and contentment are more important to me. I just don't know when to let go.
I know it's my life and it's up to myself to pick what is best for myself.
Easier said than done though.Labels: Uncategorized
Serendipity believed today at 10:35 PM
